


Fixing All the Problems

by stubliminalmessaging



Series: Kink Meme Fills [4]
Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-24
Updated: 2013-01-24
Packaged: 2017-11-26 17:29:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/652696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stubliminalmessaging/pseuds/stubliminalmessaging
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...With Your Dick, Thorin Oakenshield<br/>Written for a prompt on the Hobbit Kink Meme over on lj: "They thought they were being subtle but everyone in the company(save Bilbo) know the signs for when Fili or Kili are in need of a good, hard, fuck." (full prompt in notes)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fixing All the Problems

**Author's Note:**

> Full prompt: "They thought they were being subtle but everyone in the company(save Bilbo) know the signs for when Fili or Kili are in need of a good, hard, fuck.
> 
> Huge bonus is someone yells at Thorin that if he won't take care of his horny nephews, they will. Possibly even does."

Thorin scoffed. “Surely you are the only two who seem to be bothered by the-“

“With all due respect Thorin, I could push the pair off the mountain path if it meant there’d be peace n’ quiet for even a minute,” They heard Gloin pipe up from his bedroll across the camp.

“Aye, I’d sooner feed myself to Smaug right now than keep travelling with those horned-up lads,” Bofur said from his seat by the fire, and Fili and Kili looked over at the little conference with interest. A general chorus of agreement came from the rest of the party, and even some enthusiastic Khuzdul from Bifur which nobody understood but they all assumed he was agreeing.

Balin cleared his throat. “So… as you can hear, Thorin, the general consensus of the Company is that you do something about this problem,”

“Or one of the rest of us will,” Dwalin said, and Thorin couldn’t tell if that was a threat or a promise. Fili and Kili, who were entirely in on the discussion now, having caught on pretty fast now that everyone was listening, were their usual trouble-making selves, winking and blowing kisses at Dwalin. That brought Thorin back from his paralyzed embarrassment.

He took a step closer to Dwalin, who smirked down at him and raised an eyebrow in challenge. “You,” he growled, watching as his nephews continued to whistle and carry on at him. “will do no such thing. Allow me to deal with my problems.”

“Right.” Balin said, walking past the pair and back to the fire. He threw over his shoulder; “Just keep your problems quiet, please. Some of us want to sleep tonight.”

“Quite right!” called Dori. “Be conscious of virgin ears!” Kili hooted a particularly rude comment over to Thorin and Dwalin, and Dori, aghast, nodded to Nori who clapped his hands over Ori’s ears. Ori struggled initially, after all he was a grown up on a grown up quest and he should be able to hear anything that any of the other dwarves were allowed to hear. Nori was bigger and stronger than him though, so he eventually gave up and went back to his knitting, Nori’s hands still covering his ears. Dori nodded his approval.

Thorin stepped away from Dwalin and the warrior clapped him on the back in good will, though Thorin was too embarrassed by the gesture and the situation in general to even acknowledge him. Face red, he marched back into camp, past the fire, and off into the woods. Dwalin stalked over to the fire and dropped back onto his seat, and Fili and Kili watched him, practically buzzing with their excitement. Dwalin rolled his eyes and said ‘go get him,’ and the lads were off like hungry wolves, bounding off into the forest after their uncle, tearing at their clothing as they went.

Despite Balin’s words, they were at it, loudly, all night. Poor Ori had to sleep with Nori’s mittens fastened over his ears with a scarf all night to muffle the noise, and asked Dori at least once on the hour ‘are they done yet?’ Gandalf, always great at ignoring constant sounds (like a certain rambling white wizard, for example) had no trouble at all drifting off, much like Oin who did not hear much of the original argument anyways. Dwalin quietly cursed letting the horny princes go when that could have been him pounding away at them all night long, and Balin just swatted him on the back of the head and told him to stop grousing and go to sleep. Bifur and Bofur made a point to sleep near Bombur and could hear nothing over his snoring, and Gloin could sleep through a stampeding herd of oliphants on fire covered in screeching burning crows. Bilbo, however, just lay awake in his bedroll, terrified.

They all must have fallen asleep at some point or another though, as they woke up to find Thorin asleep with a nephew on each side, Fili curled around him from behind with his face buried in his hair and Kili snuggled up against his chest, fingers gripping at his furs. It was almost a shame when Dwalin dumped the dirty dishwater from cleaning up after breakfast on them and all three came awake with a shock, cursing and sputtering. Almost.


End file.
